well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
