I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize