I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
