Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
