I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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