im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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