Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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