Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize