Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
