You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
