The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
