listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
