I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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