stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
