Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
