These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
