Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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