Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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