hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
