someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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