I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
