Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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