I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
