Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize