sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
