We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
