Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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