it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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