By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
