I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
