and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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