no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
