a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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