Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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