He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize