Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
