i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
