That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
