i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
vagina is talking i cant
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
