ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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