I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
