She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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