I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
