So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
