how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
