im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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