i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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