the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
