I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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