I want to make a zoo with you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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