The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
