What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize