I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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