I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize