dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
