chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
