So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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