i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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