Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
