well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
