Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The air was thick with penises
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
