Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
