Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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