Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have aggressive nipples.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
