Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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