Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How does it feel to date your dad?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
