i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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