I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
