She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
