My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
