No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize