God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
