..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The Olympian is in my bed
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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